And how to bounce back from it

Rejection is an unpleasant yet inevitable occurrence. We encounter it in all walks of life, not just when dating, and most people would rate it as being the factor that features highest on their dread scale whether it comes from family, friends or even work colleagues. Different people have different reactions to rejection; some will completely fall apart whereas others appear relatively unscathed. One thing is true, rejection hurts us all no matter how we deal with it outwardly.

From a psychological perspective we humans are so anxious to avoid rejection because most of us, even those who appear to be super-confident, all have an inner fear that we are inherently not good enough. Being rejected by another person simply validates this feeling and knocks our self-esteem in such a way that we actually feel real pain. The longer you have been dating the person who rejects you, the worse it will feel.

Unfortunately, rejection is something that we all will have to deal with at one point or another; it simply cannot be avoided unless you live the isolated life of a hermit. Considering this, the best thing that we can do to protect ourselves from its brutal sting is to develop a coping strategy. Here we have come up with a four-step plan to help you take rejection on the chin and emerge as a stronger, more resilient person.

1. Try, try, try not to take it personally

Rejection is a multi-factorial process, not just dependent on yourself. In a relationship, whether brief or longstanding, one partner usually rejects the other due to many things; their own perceptions regarding the relationship and what they can offer, where they happen to be in their life at that moment and even their own past experiences. So no matter how much you tell yourself it was all your fault, it is unlikely that it actually was. Even the smartest, funniest, sexiest people get rejected at some stage in their lives so stop feeling sorry for yourself and remember the world doesn’t totally revolve around you!

2. Accept that it will hurt

When you acknowledge that your feelings of misery over being rejected are entirely normal, it actually becomes easier to live with them. You are not being over-sensitive or weak to feel upset, it is a totally human way to respond to an unfavourable event. Remember, things that hurt also heal so give yourself as much time as you need to recover.

3. Be kind to yourself

As well as not beating yourself up about why you were unwanted by a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is important not to put any additional pressure upon yourself during this difficult time. Instead surround yourself with caring friends or family and take the time to indulge in things that you enjoy.

4. Let it go and move on

It is crucial not to dwell on the fact that you have been rejected. By all means talk about it to friends and get it out of your system but then get back out there and get dating again. There is no better way to repair your damaged self esteem than by looking your best, having a great time and meeting interesting people. Don’t let your fear hold you back.

Still looking for the perfect man? Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places…

Mr Right does exist. Really, honestly and truly. Anyone who has found him will confirm this. The problem is, if you find yourself going on date after unsuccessful date and are still fruitless in your search for the perfect man, it can be a little hard to believe this. It is a proven point that where you actually meet a man can play a huge part in the direction in which a relationship goes. So perhaps it may be time to re-evaluate where you are searching for dates and considering trying some of our top date finding locations.

1. Online Dating

Whereas once this was an option only for the weird and wonderful amongst us, it is now perhaps one of the most popular ways of meeting a potential date. Probably the best thing about online dating is the fact that you can gain a lot of crucial information about a person before you actually have to commit to a meeting with them. This really does allow you to sort the wheat from the chaff and make sure that the person you date does have the fundamental qualities which you are looking for.

2. At work

Often we miss what is lying right in front of our noses. A classic case of this is overlooking a work colleague as being a potential dating partner. As long as your employer doesn’t have a dating policy and dating someone from the office isn’t likely to cause any awkwardness, work is a great place to meet people. The biggest plus factor is that you can get to know a man informally at work before moving things on to the next level by dating. Safe yet effective.

3. Speed dating

This is a great way of not only meeting lots of men at once but also eliminating lots of birds with one stone. If you are unfamiliar with the concept of speed dating, it is simply a process whereby women work their way around a room full of seated men. They spend a limited time chatting to each man and at the end, both partners can choose to pursue matters with anyone who they feel may be interesting. The obvious problem here is the short time frame in which to form an opinion but, as the experts say, we form our impressions within minutes of meeting someone and as we all know, first impressions really do count.

4. Evening Classes

Evening classes are more popular than ever in an age and society where we are all striving to better ourselves and learn new things. Meeting a man at such a class is a brilliant take-it-slow way of familiarising yourself with him while sharing a mutual interest. It is easy to go out in a group after the class is over and some women and men may feel more relaxed about talking to each other and letting their true personality shine while in the presence of others.

In conclusion, meeting the perfect man is often a case of creating opportunities and being open to new ideas. It is still likely that you may meet your perfect partner through a traditional introduction or in a bar or club, but thinking out of the box can open up new doors and increase your chances of success.

Ten things you must get right if you want to be her Mr Right

Despite the drastic changes in society over the past half century, dating rules have remained relatively unchanged. There are still a few basic things that a guy is expected to do if he wants to get started on the right foot with a woman. The problem is, with such a shift in gender-roles in many other walks of life, it can sometimes be difficult for a guy to know what is expected of him in the early stages of a dating relationship. Here, we outline a few crucial things to remember if you want your date to go well.

1. Be an early bird

Being early gets you more than just the worm. Taking care to arrive at a destination before your date not only allows you to gain your composure and get comfortable but it also shows her that you are taking the meeting seriously and that you are reliable.

2. Dress to impress, not depress

Make as much effort as you can with your appearance, it won’t go unnoticed. Don’t turn up in your work clothes even if the date does take place immediately after work. Remember your Mother’s advice and always have clean hands and try to smell nice.

3. Have impeccable manners

Always open the door for your date and stand to greet her and pull out her chair if she is to be seated. If you are meeting over a meal, always let her order first and, if your food arrives before hers, wait for her to be served before you tuck in. You may feel cheesy doing this but chivalry is a highly rated quality amongst all women.

4. Never assume

If you meet at the cinema, always consult her before picking a show, don’t just assume that she will like to watch the latest chick-flick. In the same way, if you share a meal, never order for her or second-guess whether she would like coffee or dessert.

5. Give it your all

Although it sounds obvious, listening is just as important as speaking and your body language needs to confirm that you are interested in what your partner is saying. Make lots of eye contact, ask questions and smile.

6. Expect to pay

Although it may be ok to split the bill further into a relationship, when you are in the early stages of dating, most women would expect the man to foot the bill. Don’t make a show of it, just do it and if she protests, let her know that you are happy to do so.

7. See her home safely

Some women may feel threatened if you offer them a lift but do call her a cab and settle her into it. If you want to earn extra brownie points, you can even go the extra mile and pay for the cab in advance.

8. Take a rain check on that coffee invite

If she suggests that you come back to her place, regardless of how tempted you are it is almost always better to decline. Let her know you appreciate the invitation but never extend physical contact beyond a kiss on the cheek on the first date.

9. Be appreciative

Always thank your date for spending her time with you (even if you didn’t enjoy yourself). Remember, there are other things she could have been doing but she chose to see you instead. Elementary but often forgotten.

10. If you say you’ll call her, do it

You can get everything above just perfect but if you don’t follow up with a phone call when promised, you might as well have not bothered. If you don’t intend to pursue the relationship, be honest but don’t make false promises; you will only let yourself down and make things harder later on.

The key qualities men look for in a potential partner

When it comes to trying to guess what is on a man’s mind and what will make him happy, climbing Mount Everest would seem like a less impossible task. Most women are simply mystified when it comes to pinpointing what a guy is looking for in a partner and most would mistakenly believe that physical appearance is top on the must-have list. Although attraction is clearly important, there are other things that a guy would rate more highly than this when deciding whether a woman is right for him. We look at some of these crucial attributes below.

1. Intelligence

Legend has it that men aren’t supposed to like intelligent women; they make them feel stupid right? Wrong! Recent studies have shown that brains are actually valued above beauty and men are more impressed by a woman who can hold her own in a serious conversation. That doesn’t mean you have to be a University graduate, just make sure you read a lot and keep on top of current affairs. Attending evening classes or reading groups can broaden your horizons and actually put you in a position to meet more interesting guys.

2. Kindness

Quite frankly there just isn’t enough of this around these days and everybody wants a slice of the pie. Bossy women who don’t think before they speak and who are inconsiderate towards a guys feelings are definitely a huge turn-off. Men like woman who show empathy, not only towards them but others as well. It is not necessary to reach the standards of Mother Teresa; simply realising the impact that your actions can have on somebody else and acting accordingly can be a huge step. But no pushovers please; somebody who lets other people walk all over her is bound to get irritating after a while.

3. Mystery & Intrigue

Men get bored easily. We all do when it comes down to it, so there is nothing quite as exciting as a woman who keeps a man guessing and is always one step ahead of him. This is definitely something that you will have to work very hard at as there are no short-cuts and the best advice that can be given as to how to achieve this is to always try new things and be open to opportunities. Take an interest in his hobbies just so you keep on top of what is going on in his world but have your own interests too and always make time for your circle of friends rather than letting your entire life revolve around him.

4. Honesty & Loyalty

Honesty means a lot more than just not lying, it is more of a case of actively being truthful especially where feelings regarding the relationship are concerned. Women who play games can make very confusing partners and it makes it very difficult to know where you are with such a person. So let your man know that you want him and stand by him come what may and you should have no trouble surviving any storm that comes your way.

5. Good Looks

This isn’t just about sex appeal or beauty in the traditional sense. How attractive a guy finds a girl depends a lot on how much he perceives her to take care of herself. A woman who is always well-groomed and makes an effort to keep herself looking and feeling healthy is highly valued by men for two main reasons. Firstly, by making an effort, you give him the unspoken message that you think he is worth it (even if you aren’t doing it entirely for him). Secondly, on a deeper subconscious level, guys relate self-care to having the ability to care for them or for any children you may have. Even if you are so far off from thinking about anything like that at the moment, Caveman instincts are always bubbling beneath the surface.